The Rear-View Mirror Man : Celebrating the Enduring Warmth of Tara Chacha

The news of Tara Chacha passing, shared by my wife around noon, here, in Bay Area, California, delivered a surprising, piercing jolt. It wasn't the shock one feels upon losing a constant, daily fixture, rather, it was the profound realization that a foundational piece of one's personal, emotional geography, a landmark only glimpsed occasionally, but relied upon for orientation had suddenly been removed. He was never close in the mundane, day-to-day sense, yet the news stopped me in my tracks today, because the man himself was anything but mundane.

My first sighting of Tara Chacha occurred during my own wedding in 1993, which, for any groom, is a state of mind best described as beautiful, white-knuckle chaos. I wasn't focused on assessing the extended family hierarchy. I was entirely preoccupied with the far more pressing matter of ensuring I didn't set my sehra on fire or trip over the sacred coconut. Consequently, his towering presence was, regrettably, lost in the moment. Yet, years later, I realized something essential about him had been lodged firmly in my rear view mirror - a perfect, clear snapshot of a presence that, once seen, was impossible to forget. It is in that mirror that I’ve kept him for the last three decades, and the glass has never once fogged.

The Economics of Affection: A Portfolio of Impressions

The irony is that I may have interacted with him in person only five or six times over the course of three decades, yet each meeting was a high-yield investment, leaving me with returns in affection, warmth, charm, and grace that have sustained me far longer than any fleeting memory from that chaotic wedding day.

Tara Chacha was a master of presence. His physical stature : tall, well-built, and handsome combined with his booming voice, was an immediate command for attention. But the true genius lay in how he used it. He commanded respect not by demanding it, but by radiating a calm, accommodating nature that invited everyone into his orbit without ever imposing his will. He exhibited carefree attitude, but never careless. He was reasonable, yet utterly magnetic.

He had the rare ability to make you feel as though the moment you shared was the most important event of the day. In my forst couple of meetings, he loved reciting stories of his days spent in Jamshedpur. For me, a former management trainee at Tata Motors (then Telco) who had also walked the storied streets of the city, those anecdotes were not just stories; they were a mutual language. He would lean in, eyes alight, describing a time when work felt less like a job and more like building a destiny, a concept I could instantly relate to, making me feel less like a relative-by-marriage and more like a junior colleague.

In many beautiful respects, his spirit mirrored that of my own sanjhle papa (my 3rd Chacha). Both possessed that innate, almost gravitational ability to immediately light up the entire surroundings. They had the kind of genuine exuberance that made you put your phone down and listen. I imagine his life, the years in Jamshedpur, the responsibilities, the raising of a family was not always easy, but he wore his experiences with the grace of a seasoned traveler who appreciates the journey more than the destination. That is the true fantasy his image helps me construct - a life lived not by avoiding complexity, but by mastering the art of joyful engagement.

Dariyapur: The House that Radiates Warmth (And Witty Chaos)

Now we arrive at our family’s epicenter and that is Dariyapur, my in-laws’ ancestral home.

I must confess that while Dariyapur is my wife's maika, I hold a deep love for that cluster of houses and its gola in Patna, not out of spousal duty, but because of its rich, layered, and storied history. That place has a certain untranslatable laissez-faire, a distinct, chaotic, yet absolutely irresistible charm that makes it feel more like a living monument than a mere residence. The sheer layered history that place carries makes you envious and proud at the same time. And this, truly, is the crux of Dariyapur’s magic. 

While the warmth is certainly fueled by the wonderful people who currently reside there, it is magnified manifold by the invisible embrace of the spirits of those who are no longer with us. It is their residual kindness, their non-judgmental acceptance of the 'outsider' (me!) 32 years back, that allows the invisible warmth to endure. It’s a testament to the character of the generations who built that home, and Tara Chacha was certainly one of its storied resident who spent a significant amount of his time there.

Tara Chacha’s connection to Dariyapur was the stuff of legend. My wife, and my sister-in-law, all used to share how he would constantly reminisce about his life there. Even in his later years, as his memory began its cruel, inevitable retreat, the mention of Dariyapur was the password that lit up his eyes. I witnessed this first-hand a few years ago during a meeting in Delhi. The name of the house wasn't just a place, it was an anchor to his entire being. He may have traveled the world and lived a grand life, but Dariyapur was the home port of his soul.

It is for this very reason that the history of that house - the tales, the triumphs, the towering personalities that have graced with their presence with all the simple daily dramas must be chronicled for posterity. Someone more closely connected with that house must take on that responsibility, ensuring that its history and the spirits that infuse it with warmth are not lost to the shifting sands of time.

The Enduring Bond of Shared Kinship

My wife naturally carries more exquisite, detailed memories of her Chacha, memories formed over a lifetime of interaction and she often shares them, painting a picture of his tall personality that only confirms my own distant impressions. But for me, Tara Chacha served a unique and deeply personal role. While I never had the incredibly good fortune of meeting my father-in-law, I always, privately, positioned Tara Chacha in his place.

This was not a conscious replacement, but a natural, invisible transference of respect and affection. He possessed the same stately wisdom, the generous nature, and the commanding presence that I had only heard described of my late father-in-law. This created a profound, enduring, and utterly invisible bond that I hold dear.

We will not dwell on the closing chapter, but rather raise a toast to the extraordinary quality of the life he led. He was, in every sense, a masterclass in human presence, demonstrating that genuine charm is the beautiful equilibrium found in accommodating the world without ever compromising one's own dignity. He gifted us the indelible reminder that the true measure of a man is not his worldly accumulation, but the enduring warmth he distributes.

May his spirit assume his rightful post as one of the benevolent, charming guardians of Dariyapur, ensuring his light remains a clear fixture in all our rear-view mirrors. His was a life beautifully lived, and his memory will forever stand as a beacon of enduring values.

May his soul find eternal peace 💐. Om Shanti. 🙏🏼

How India is slowly moving away from sustainable development

There is hardly any place now a days where you don’t hear the echo of global warming messages. Scientist claims that the world is getting hotter and a very delicate balance of the eco-system is getting disturbed leading to catastrophic changes in the climate.

It looks like the summer is getting hotter and the winter is getting colder. The 5 hottest year in California happened just in the last decade. Similarly, the last 5 hottest year in Patna happens to be all in the last decade. All this is happening when countries across the globe are trying to reduce carbon footprint. Is this effort coming a little too late? Have we already crossed the tipping point?

As the disposable income in India is rising, and so is the appetite to mimic westernized world to embrace the modern day comforts without thinking what could be the long term effect of such choices. A slight introspection of my own lifestyle when I was growing up shows the sustainable life we were leading in India just 2 decades back that now is getting increasingly forgotten in the hum drum of blindly copying everything American. I am certain there are multiple such simple and common examples that my readers can contribute.

Multi Use Bag / Baskets : I remember having 2 or 3 multi use bags / baskets in my home just till a couple of decades back that would remain is use for years. These bags were either made of clothes or jutes and used to last very long time. These bags used to be washed regularly and were reused for every day’s groceries to any other adhoc purchases. There was hardly any plastic and hence no need to recycle anything. Just imagine for a moment how long will it take for all the households in US to revert back to multi use bags after getting used to the convenience of single use and throw plastic bags. While every county in US is trying to ban the use of plastic bags, we in India were already leading a sustainable life without the need to think of recycling plastic. However, in our effort to catch up to the modern day living we forgot our roots and blindly copied western culture and have since then landed in a soup as we still lack the sophistication and will power of the west to recycle materials.

Regular Blankets : When I was growing up, each year our community would be invariably visited by weavers around fall who were skilled in cleaning raw cotton that used to be stuffed inside the blanket / comforters for providing warmth. These weavers would take all blankets from a household, open the sutures of blanket and take out all the cotton. They used to then beat the cotton with the help of a string (like when you play a guitar and vibrate the strings of guitar). After doing this repeatedly for some time, the bad cotton used to get segregated from the good ones. The loss of bad cotton used to be compensated by adding new cotton that these weavers used to carry with them. Finally, they would put all the cotton inside the blankets, sew it up, change the blanket cover if you so desire and you are ready for the next winter in style. This way of recycling cotton used to save a lot of wastages unlike now when the old blankets/comforters are discarded for a brand new one. Don’t you think that it was a more sustainable way of living than discarding the entire blanket/comforters and contributing to the global warming? If yes, then why we are continuing to move towards one time only use & throw concepts and ruining our future generations with wastes that would be extremely difficult to properly dispose.

Carpets: If you have visited anyone in the United States, you will invariably find wall to wall carpet in most of the homes. Each and every floor of offices/malls in the western world is lined with carpets. If you think for a moment then you will realize that these carpets are energy hugger because of the need of using vacuum cleaner to clean them. However, there is atleast a reason in countries like US to extensively used carpets given very cold temperatures. India, however, is blessed with tropical climate. Then why are we increasingly using the carpets in India? There were hardly any floors in India that were built using carpets when I was growing up. The floors were invariably made of concrete and/or marble.. Carpets were used just for decorative purpose. Have you ever noticed why the western world has very high level of allergies than any where else in the world inspite of such a high standard of living? One of the reason is the carpets that traps lots of pathogens and bacteria that just sits there. It’s a double whammy – on the one hand lots of energy is used to vacuum clean the carpet and on the other hand, we see very high incidence of allergies that needs billions of dollars of medical care every year. I am a little disappointed to see that many urban households in India are similarly moving towards increasing use of carpets when it’s long term use will only increase global warming and increasingly deteriorate the health of the people.

While we can’t unwind the clock and go back in time it is completely within our control to slowly remove products and life style practices that contribute even remotely to unsustainable living.